I am a fan of the television show Dexter.

Can’t help it. There’s something about a serial killer who goes after serial killers that just piques my morbid sense of justice.

But that’s not where I’m headed with this.

On the show, the Dexter character always talks about his dark passenger, which is the alter ego of his serial killer self, as opposed to the public self that is a blood spatter analyst for the Miami Metro Police Department.

It’s irony wrapped in a conundrum and it just makes me smile.

But anyway, it’s the dark passenger bit that brings this column to light this week.

You see, I have picked up my own dark passenger.

Now, lest the local gendarmes begin to scour my activities for clues to unsolved murders, let me explain.

Last week, after a late night at work, I climbed into the Jeep to head home. Nothing out of the ordinary in that, it happens on a regular basis.

As I shifted into reverse, I felt something hit the top of my foot. That’s also not unusual because our new five-year-old is constantly leaving inadvertent booby traps all over the Jeep, and if he doesn’t, I do.

I just kicked the foot and whatever it was became no longer there. Problem solved.

The following morning, I climbed back into the Jeep to head back to work, and seconds after I sat down, something hit me in the back of the leg.

It’s natural reaction to kick, and the kick dislodged whatever it was. Problem solved.

Later that day, I had to hit the road, and as I hit the seat in the Jeep, something hit the back of my leg again.

This time, I used my hand to swat at whatever it was thinking I would just scoop it up and toss it into the back seat to solve the problem for good.

The only problem was that what I was swatting at moved.

It moved from the back of my leg to the front of my leg and then was gone.

This, reasoned I, was something a little out of the ordinary.

I took a moment and scoured the floor under my feet. The floor was empty. I started the Jeep and motored on.

The following day, I got in to head to work and something hit the top of my foot again. By that time, I was starting to get a little paranoid. I found no loose wires. I found no stray bundle ties. I found no stray plastic bags blowing in the mild breeze caused by the air conditioning unit. I found nothing that could account for the strange feeling of something hitting the top of my foot.

Again, later that day, I had to hit the road. I climbed in, and whatever had been bugging me, hit the front of my leg again.

That time, I didn’t move at all. I just bent forward and looked down.

There, perched on my ankle, was a dark-skinned gecko.

I reached down with my hand to try and corral the feisty critter. He got away. He hit the floor and scrambled under my foot. I put my foot to the floor. I didn’t hear any tiny bones snapping or see any ooze from under my sandal.

On closer inspection, I could see a dark tail scampering under the seat.

I got out and peered under the seat. His color was such that he perfectly matched the black of the seat. I couldn’t spot him.

I motored off.

The next time I felt him hit my leg, I tried to swing the leg out the door with him attached. He was too quick for me and jumped back onto the floor.

I spent an hour trying to figure out where the little critter was hiding. I reasoned that since he hit my leg or foot after I sat down, he must be hiding on the front of the seat or under the dashboard.

I trained a flashlight on both those locations before I sat down in the seat again. I found nothing.

This guy was good.

He left me alone until Tuesday morning when he again jumped on the back of my leg in the middle of the day. I put both hands to work trying to corral his scrawny butt. He scampered away from every attempt.

I’m really glad no one I knew was watching the show, because I’m sure that I looked like a raving lunatic lunging after this lizard, barely able to bend over far enough to hit the floor, and swatting at everything that moved.

I’m sure that he’s living off the debris that our five-year-old leaves in the vehicle, in locations that just make me scratch my head as to how it got there, and until that easily obtained food source is gone, I suspect he’ll stay with me.

And that source will remain as long as the five-year-old is riding in the Jeep. I don’t know where kids come up with all the snack material they leave lying in my Jeep, but this lizard had found a smorgasbord.

So Wednesday I began to plan ways to rid myself of my own personal dark passenger.

I thought of just chasing his scrawny butt until I caught him, but I’m sure he has more energy and hidey holes than I can overcome or find.

I thought of just leaving the door open, but I figured that would just be an invitation for him to invite his buddies in for a feast.

And then it hit me. A vacuum cleaner. If I stop at a car wash, or a convenience store, I can use the vacuum to roust out my dark passenger.

I can use the suction power of the vacuum to probe into hidey holes my hands won’t penetrate, and I can catch the critter.

So I am preparing for my assault on my dark passenger. I’m flexing my wrists to loosen them up for the coming onslaught. I’m honing my senses to detect even the slightest movement of the dark body against the dark upholstery.

And after all of this, the damn thing will probably vacate the premises between now and then, leaving me doing naught but sucking air.

Just because there is only a Republican Presidential primary going on doesn’t mean voters other than registered Republicans won’t have business at the polls, either early or on Jan. 31.

The biggest item on the ballot for everyone that day is the Monroe County Schools half-mil tax diversion referendum.

More than a decade ago, the state Legislature authorized school districts to levy up to 1.5 mils in property taxes for capital improvements. The local district, with a level student population, decided only to go for a one mil levy. In districts such as Monroe, however, where property values are higher than normal, that levy quickly outstripped the district’s need for an infusion of capital dollars.

The district has been on a robust capital improvement program, building a new high school in Key West, new middle and high schools in Marathon and a new elementary school in Key West.

In 2004, with schools funding dropping precipitously at the state and federal levels, the Legislature gave the schools permission to divert one-half of their capital tax levy to operations, where in most cases the need was much greater.

Voters approved that diversion handily in 2004 under then-Superintendent John Padgett, and handily re-authorized the diversion again in 2008 under then-Superintendent Randy Acevedo.

Four years later, the school district is again asking voters for permission to divert a half-mil of the capital levy to operations. That question will be on the ballot for every registered voter.

Monroe County Schools had an operating budget of $94 million three years ago, with a student population approximately the same as it is today. The expected budget for next year is $80 million.

And that includes the $9 million that is raised by the tax diversion. Without voter approval of the diversion, the district will have to craft a budget that is estimated to be about $14 million below current levels.

And that’s a monumental task probably not able to be accomplished without a stiff increase in property taxes.

Voting for the referendum, allowing the tax diversion, will not affect local property tax bills. The district has the authorization to levy a one-mil capital rate. If the referendum is defeated the half-mil that is diverted to operations now will simply revert to capital.

But the district doesn’t need the money in capital accounts. The district needs the money in its operating account. And we should agree with that.

Many people will remember the financial scandals of the school district that resulted in the losses of nearly $1 million through various thefts, management blunders and lack of solid oversight. And while some vestiges of that culture still remain, the current school board has done an admirable job of righting a listing ship and getting set up for the future.

Moving forward with the loss of $9 million dollars will halt progress in its tracks.

Cuts that deep will have to come from the classroom, and our kids don’t deserve to lose any more because adults deem them unworthy of our dollars.

There are minor adjustments here and there the district can make using capital money, and through that might cut a few jobs. But classroom size is locked in by state statute. A certain number of students equates to the need for a certain number of teachers and a certain number of ancillary personnel to bus students, and a certain number of ancillary personnel to feed students, and a certain number of ancillary personnel to keep a clean and maintained physical structure, and a certain number of ancillary personnel to provide oversight, and, and, and you get the picture…

If we allow anti-tax zeal to stand in the way of doing what is right by our children, we will have only ourselves to blame when the next generation costs us more standing in the world than this generation already has.

The district deserves a chance to complete the job of righting the listing ship.

The kids deserve our support.

If you’re a registered voter, hit the polls and vote yes on the school referendum.

At 11:20 a.m., Detective Cuervo responded to Front Street on Stock Island, where a diver was being brought in unresponsive, not breathing. Paramedics responded as well and transported the Ohio man to Lower Keys Hospital, where he was pronounced dead. He was on board a commercial dive vessel; he and a group of divers on the boat were doing a “test dive” in about 30 feet of water in preparation for a later dive on the Vandenberg. Other divers in the group said he surfaced and gave the “OK” sign, but when they saw him  just minutes later, he was floating on the surface of the water, not breathing. Detective Cuervo is attempting to reach his family to notify them of his death. An autopsy will be done to determine the cause of his death.

Just 20 minutes later, Key West Police notified Sheriff’s dispatchers of a man’s body, found about 400 – 500 yards offshore of the Higg’s Beach / White Street Pier area of Key West. A jet skier in that area found the man floating in the water. Key West Police recovered the body and took it to the U.S. Coast Guard station, where Detective Cuervo met them to conduct his investigation.

According to the detective, there is no obvious sign of foul play in evidence on the body. There is also no identification on the body, so Detective Cuervo is hoping someone will recognize his description. He is a white male, late 40s to late 50s with medium length salt and pepper hair. He is about 5’10” to 6’ tall and weighs in the neighborhood of 250 pounds. He is wearing blue jeans, a brown “Key West” t-shirt, tucked in, with a brown belt. On his feet, he was wearing “water shoes”. On his left ring finger is a small key ring, worn like a ring. He may have been in the water anywhere from 6 to 12 hours.

Detective Donald Catala spotted 40 year old Robert Skinner driving the silver colored Chevrolet Silverado last Wednesday afternoon. When Skinner saw the detective’s unmarked law enforcement vehicle, he began acting as if he were nervous; Detective Catala decided to run the truck’s license tag to see if Skinner had reason to be nervous. The tag revealed the truck had been reported stolen from Hillsboro County.

The truck was stopped as it left Key West, over the Cow Key Channel Bridge, by Detectives David Chavka and David Cruz and Deputy Matt Dowling. Skinner was taken into custody on the Hillsboro County grand theft auto charge.

The truck matched the description of a vehicle involved in a Key Largo burglary earlier in the day. Property found in the truck, including laptop computers, cameras, fishing equipment and ammunition, may have come from burglaries committed earlier in the day in Key Largo and on Grassy Key.

Skinner claimed a man he met at the Waffle House in Key West earlier in the day had loaned him the truck and asked him to use it to get him drugs. He also said the same man asked him to take the property in the truck to a pawn shop for him. He could not give detectives the man’s name or description. He also couldn’t explain why he had two credit cards in his wallet that did not belong to him.

Investigations are continuing as detectives attempt to match the items in the truck with the burglaries, and try to locate other items Skinner may have pawned. More charges are pending. According to detectives in Hillsboro County, Skinner is well known to them and has more charges pending there as well.

The charges stem from an incident which took place January 7 in the early morning hours at JJs Doghouse bar. Just after 3 a.m., deputies responded to the bar to reports of a man with a gun.

When they arrived, they met with the victim, who said the suspect, 36 year old Enrique Valdes Jr., had chased him down the street with a gun in his hand.

The two men had a previous altercation, about  a week before, during which Valdes was struck in the eye. The victim said when Valdes saw him in the bar he left, telling the victim he’d “be right back”. The victim said he was afraid Valdes was going to get a weapon, so he armed himself with a pool cue. He said when Valdes returned a short time later, he had a gun in his hand. At that point, the victim said he fled on foot down the street with Valdes chasing him.

Witnesses corroborated the victim’s story. An employee of the bar at first refused to make a statement, but later told Sgt. Joel Slough Valdes had shown him a handgun tucked in his waistband. Another witness said he saw the suspect running after the victim carrying a handgun.

A warrant was issued for Valdes; last Thursday, he was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a firearm and being a convicted felon in possession of a firearm. He was booked into jail.

And he wants to know from the business community on the islands how the chamber can help them be more successful.

“It looks like it’s going to be an interesting year,” said Miller, who is both co-owner of Big Pine Liquors and a part-time member of the staff at US 1 Radio and Conch Country Radio.

Miller says that for years, “The Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce has told you what they do for you. Now we want to hear from our members and the community as a whole what they would like to see from their chamber. How do we make things better?”

He has heard from various segments of the community that the chamber needs to be more of an advocate for the business community in the Lower Keys, that it needs to be more community oriented, “or do we continue to throw social parties for the business community.”

Miller said he wants to promote more of a sense of community within the Lower Keys by having the chamber partner with civic service groups.

“We have talked about pooling our efforts with the Lower Keys Rotary to enhance the annual July 4 fireworks celebration, getting more involved in things that bring the community together,” said Miller.

Miller said he took the chamber position to do what he could to make the Lower Keys a more attractive place.

“I want to give our visitors the best experience we can, and I want to impress them enough that they want to become locals. I think we do that by instilling pride in our area, by telling visitors how its great to live in the most affordable piece of paradise,” said Miller.

“We want to find a way to get people to stop along the highway and take a look at our pieces of paradise, see what we have to offer,” he said.

One of the ideas Miller has discussed with the new chamber board is the implementation of a grant program for island beautification projects.

A possible art grant to allow local artists to showcase their talents, and by default the feeling of the Keys, with murals on buildings is one of the programs Miller has bandied about. But there are others.

“Perhaps we can install welcome signs for each island, plant some landscape buffers, sponsor beautification contests. We want to hear from folks out there what we can do to make a favorable impression on our visitors with the intent to turn them into locals,” said Miller. “Everyone benefits from that.”

Miller said he knows the goals he has outlined for his year at the top are somewhat ambitious, “but sometimes if you get the ball rolling, momentum can be a wonderful thing.”

“Other chambers do a very good job of promoting their community while advocating for the best circumstances for their business partners. I want us to be like that,” he said.

“We’re ready to make a difference in our community and we need everyone’s help to make that happen.  The more voices we have, the easier it is to be heard,” he said.

Miller said he actually wants to her from people. He can be reached through his personal email of  bpkparksteve@aol.com, or folks can give their thoughts and opinions by calling the chamber at 872-2411 or by  emailing info@lowerkeyschamber.com.

In a deal brokered last week, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, overseer of the NFIP, has agreed to ask a federal court to extend Monroe County’s deadline to implement those regulations until July 1.

The county was supposed to have implemented the new regulations by last Thursday or have FEMA begin the process to place the county on probation from the NFIP, with a possible expulsion from the program down the road.

Following negotiations with county staff, however, FEMA relented on the Jan. 12 deadline.

In papers filed Wednesday, FEMA acknowledged that the timeline for implementing the regulations wasn’t attainable.

The new regulations are the result of a court settlement between environmental groups, FEMA and the US Fish and Wildlife Service. More than two decades ago, the groups filed suit against FWS claiming that the federal agency was abdicating some of its responsibility to protect endangered species that call Monroe County home by allowing FEMA to continue to subsidize development in sensitive species habitat by issuing federally backed flood insurance.

The courts agreed with that claim and first issued an injunction against human development on more than 40,000 lots in Monroe County while the sides worked out an agreement.

The agreement the three came to, without input from Monroe County, was to have Monroe implement a series of growth management regulations to protect the endangered species.

Under the Reasonable and Prudent Alternatives outlined by FWS, the county would be responsible to monitor development impact in sensitive habitat, keeping such development impact below a maximum threshold in acreage.

Once that threshold was crossed, the county was expected to deny development permits on remaining lots within special species focus areas.

That, said county officials, would put Monroe taxpayers in the cross hairs for potentially $65 million or more in land takings cases from private property owners unable to utilize their land for any economic purpose.

Aside from the potential takings liabilities, county officials also balked at the estimated $450,000 needed to establish the monitoring and review programs, as well as the estimated $250,000 needed yearly to operate the program.

Neither FEMA nor FWS offered to help defray any of that cost.

The settlement agreement was adopted by the court Jan. 11, 2011 and both federal agencies agreed they would have the safeguards in place, through the county, within one year, hence the original Jan. 12 deadline for implementation.

FEMA admits, however, that it didn’t get the county a needed set of species assessment guides until December 23, giving it less than a month to prepare and adopt the mandated regulations.

Under Florida rules, it takes nearly six months to legally adopt land use changes. Once the draft ordinance is written, it must go before the county Development Review Committee at least once, and the county Planning Commission at least once.

Rarely do those presentations fall within the same month as staff has to adjust the working to accommodate recommendations from the DRC before the planning commission sees the revised draft.

Once the planning commission has offered its revisions and recommendations, the proposal goes to the Board of County Commissioners for approval to transmit the language to the state Department of Economic Opportunity. DEO has a couple of months to review the language and can either accept it as is, ask for revisions, or reject it.

After a public comment period, the final document comes back to the county for final adoption.

FEMA sent notice to the county in April that it would be requiring the implementation of the RPAs, but without final assessment guides. The county replied with several concerns it had in late June, and got a letter from FEMA reiterating the need to adopt the regulations in early December.

In that last letter, FEMA told the county it would be placed on probation from the NFIP on May 10 if the regulations hadn’t been adopted. There wasn’t enough time for the county to adopt the ordinances under the current procedural rules.

“As of the date of this filing, Monroe County has not yet revised it floodplain damage prevention ordinances to reference the species focus area maps…..” wrote FEMA attorneys in the extension request. “However, these communities have represented to FEMA they are taking good faith steps toward revising their respective…ordinances.”

FEMA also admitted to the court that it knew Monroe County had drafted an ordinance that does reference the RPAs and planned to submit that draft to the Board of County Commissioners for direction at Thursday’s meeting.

“On that date, the commission will be asked to authorize staff to commence the legislative process which would culminate in a public hearing by the county commission on April 18,” wrote FEMA.

FEMA told the courts that Monroe County needed a five-month extension to accomplish the procedural steps needed to implement any land use changes relating to the RPAs.

What county staff was expected to present to the BOCC Thursday was a draft ordinance that requires property owners in the sensitive habitat areas to get approval first from FWS before the county would accept the permit for processing.

That, said Assistant County Attorney Bob Shillinger, is an attempt to meet the spirit of the FWS and FEMA mandates without the need to implement potentially devastating regulations.

County officials have also already agreed to take FEMA to court over the matter, claiming that the federal agency violated rule-making procedures and went beyond its authority in ordering the county to implement enforcement policies for the federal Endangered Species Act.

Shillinger had said the county’s suits would be filed upon notice of probation proceedings from FEMA, but it was unsure at presstime whether that had changed in light of the FEMA request for an extension.

County officials received notice from the FEMA Floodplain Management and Insurance Branch, Mitigation Division last week that the federal agency feels as though Monroe County has not made enough strides in a program to eradicate non-conforming downstairs enclosures.

“Following consultations with Monroe County…we have decided to extend the Pilot Inspection Procedure for Monroe County unincorporated areas,” wrote Major May, regional administrator for that division. “Based on discussions with your staff, we understand that the county has not made significant progress identifying and remedying unlawful enclosures and it requires an extension of the Pilot Inspection Procedure to complete the requirements…”

In 2002, the county agreed, under threat of expulsion from the National Flood Insurance Program, to enter into a pilot program whereby enclosures thought to be non-conforming would have to be inspected by county personnel before flood insurance on those properties could be renewed.

Known locally as the insurance inspection program, county staff was to identify properties where potential non-conforming enclosures existed that carried federally subsidized flood insurance policies.

Those policies are backed by FEMA and provide lower cost flood insurance for Monroe residents, an insurance required by mortgage lenders who use any federal agency to back the loans, such as Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac or Housing and Urban Development.

Once identified through a series of various property codes on the Property Appraiser’s record card, the property would be sent to FEMA. Those codes include almost all FLA or LL codes on the record card held by the appraiser’s office. FEMA would then notify the insurance carrier that an inspection would be required of the area below base flood before it would renew a policy, or grant a new policy in the case of existing homes sold.

The carriers sent letters to the property owners informing them of the requirement and giving them six months to have an initial inspection. The insurance could be renewed once if the property wasn’t in compliance but if it hadn’t received a clean inspection by the end of the renewal year, flood insurance would be cancelled.

Cancellations for homes with mortgages usually resulted in the lender force placing flood insurance at much higher rates than FEMA backed policies.

If the properties failed to come into compliance within a year of renewal, the county could, and often did, begin code enforcement proceedings to force compliance.

The original pilot program length was announced at seven years in the Federal Register Notice that implemented it, and was subsequently extended.

The reasons for the extension, according to Growth Management Director Christine Hurley are all based in the numbers.

County elected officials had been told by former growth management personnel that the county’s obligation would end when all insurance-carrying homes had been reported to FEMA.

FEMA officials are claiming in this latest notice that simple notification does not constitute community compliance with the mandates of the floodplain regulations.

“The county sent the last batch of letters under the pilot program to carriers in November 2011,” said Hurley. “Over 5,000 letters have been sent.”

Once FEMA was notified and it in turn notified the carriers, who then in turn notified property owners, those properties were in the pipeline for the pilot program inspection.

“The policy holders have to contact the county for the inspections of the downstairs enclosures,” said Hurley. “We know there are over 2,000 policy holders that have yet to contact the county for inspections.”

Once in the pipeline, opined FEMA officials, the property must received a compliant community inspection report of the lower level enclosure.

“It is imperative that the county complete the inspection procedure for all potential enclosure violations by the new termination date,” wrote May. “Failure to demonstrate substantial progress in the coming months will place the county in jeopardy of being deemed non-compliant with minimum NFIP floodplain management standards.”

And that non-compliant determination could put the county right back in the same predicament it found itself in when the pilot program was implemented in 2002.

Then as now, potential expulsion from the NFIP could be the ultimate penalty.

Under the terms of the pilot program, not only would expulsion mean that private property owners couldn’t get flood insurance from FEMA, it could also mean that FEMA mitigation dollars for pre-storm projects and dollars for post-storm debris clean up and restoration could be withheld should the county experience a hurricane event like a Georges from 1998 or a Wilma from 2005.

“We understand from previous discussions with FEMA that in order for FEMA to view completion of the pilot program, it means the county has inspected and enforced compliance with floodplain regulations for all of those policyholders that the county initially notified through the carriers,” said Hurley.

The reasons for properties not having complied with the inspection order are varied.

Once notified, some property owners who had no mortgage just decided to drop flood insurance rather than go through the inspection process, believing that the lack of flood insurance negated the need for the inspection. Still other property owners paid off existing mortgages and cancelled flood insurance, again believing that negated the need for the inspection. Even though the property may have been compliant with FEMA regulations, some property owners simply didn’t like the idea of being forced to pay several hundred dollars for an inspection, or being forced to have county inspectors on the property in general principle.

And some property owners able to afford the additional premium simply allowed the lender to force place flood insurance, again believing that negated the need for flood insurance.

Those beliefs, according to the newest FEMA notice, were inaccurate.

In the letter, May said FEMA expects Monroe County to continue to identify enclosure violations, inspect those potential violations and remedy the violations to the maximum extent possible.

The county is expected to submit a detailed plan on how it plans to achieve compliance with the pilot program mandates by March 1, and is also expected to submit quarterly progress reports to the FEMA Atlanta regional office.

Hurley said her office hasn’t yet taken any action on the letter.

“The letter says they will contact us and to date, to my knowledge, they have not called,” said Hurley.

She did plan to discuss this newest development in the controversial pilot program with the Board of County Commissioners during the Thursday meeting.