I have returned from my time-warped journey to?

By Steve Estes

Strictly Drivel

I have just returned from a two-week whirlwind tour of the future.

If you read these pages two weeks ago, I decided to do a piece on the history of Leap Year. It didn’t take long for many folks to remind me that 2014 isn’t Leap Year.

Yep. Know that.

But my Twilight Zone tour had temporarily pushed me through a temporal vortex that crashed through the lineal space-time continuum and landed me in the first weeks of 2016. The reason I didn’t catch on right away is because things seemed to be so familiar.

The same guy was in the White House. The same folks were on the local commission. I was driving the same car, which for some reason I can’t drive 55…sorry, just a snippet of song lyrics that jumped unbidden into my brain. I was little fatter.

I lived and worked in the same place. The same folks were around me. It was still 74 degrees here and less than 47 degrees everywhere else.

So how was I to know?

So what if the calendar said 2016. Who pays attention to those things anyway?

And then, something weird crept into my brain last week, and I noticed little things that were off. Some things were definitely not quite right.

And I began to wonder if I might indeed have crossed over into the netherland between dimensions, caught in a perpetual vortex of joined universes where time meant little and space meant nothing. A place where time itself could bend around to meet itself.

But then again…no. Or the man who makes potions in the…travelin’ show….oh sorry, song lyrics that just unbidden began running around in my head.

For the theories of time do not permit time to touch itself for to do so would result in a Little Bang, you know the younger brother of the Big Bang that started it all, and life as we know it in our sector of the galaxy would cease to exist and we’d all take the long walk…..this way, talk this way….sorry, a little snippet of song lyrics that just jumped unbidden into my brain…into the dark matter from which all life sprang.

I believe that I have returned from my experience through the Outer Limits, but I’m not completely sure, for again, things seem so familiar. I’m still fat. I still drive the same car. The same guy is still in the White House. The same folks are still on the local county commission.

I still live and work in the same place. The same folks are still around me in both places.

Wow, if I think about this too long, my head will go spinnin’……wheels, got to go ’round…sorry just a snippet of song lyrics that jumped into my brain unbidden.

So how do I definitively figure out if I have returned from my sojourn to the future?

The calendar says 2014, but who pays attention to those things anyway?

I recognize my shoes, but that narrows it down to some three or four year span. I wear the same watch until the guts fall out, so that covers a decade. My hair is still long so that could cover a couple of decades.

I recognize all the pictures, so that’s a minor hint. The walls are the same colors….true colors, shining through….sorry a little snippet of song lyrics that just jumped unbidden into my head. No help there.

So where do I go from here? If that little changes around me in two years, either I’m really boring, or I really am the victim of a near-constant temporal flux.

And then it hits me.

I’ll go buy a newspaper. The date on the front cover will tell me when I am. I know where I am, it’s that pesky time….in a bottle….sorry that little snippet of song lyric that has been jumping unbidden into my head, thing that has me baffled.

Out the door, down on the corner…out in the street, Willie and the Poor Boys are playin’….there’s that unbidden snippet of song lyric again, I go to the news box.

No quarters.

OK. Now I’m completely lost.

Every time I try to think my way out of this mess I wind up just more befuddled than when I started, which some would say is the way I am all the time anyway.

And if I think too much, I wind up with song lyrics buzzing around in my befuddled brain.

And then I notice a young man walking through the parking lot. It has rained hard. The parking lot is full of puddles. He removes his shoes to walk through the puddles. Good thinking, especially since he’s wearing flip flops…cut my heel had to cruise on back home…sorry there’s that little snippet of song lyric in the way again.

But that shows me he has a thinking brain, that probably isn’t interrupted every few minutes with lyric snippets running through it like mine is right now.

So why, thinks I, don’t I just go ask the guy what the date is?

Problem solved.

He tells me. The tune to the Twilight Zone empties from my head.

I’m back.

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