Must have been a bad boy

By Steve Estes

Strictly Drivel by Steve Estes

If the wicked catch no breaks, I was really, really bad somewhere back

I am convinced that I must have been a really evil person in a former life. I can’t figure out why, or what I could have done so wrong, but Mother Nature has decided that I am to be punished.

We all are aware that the wind has been a real pain in the hind end the last couple of months, which makes getting out on the water, one of our favorite pasttimes, next to impossible, especially in the little boat we’re using.

High wind simply turns the bow of the boat into a frisbee, and pretty much toss it anyway it wants.

So what happens when I get up on a recent Thursday, with a trip to Miami on the schedule to pick up the newspapers? You guessed it. The wind dies down.

We make plans to get out Friday. Wake up, the wind is howling through the trees, it’s cold and threatening rain. No way.

All that weekend we waited for a break in the weather. It finally warmed up, but the wind never softened enough to give it a good try.

That Monday evening was a possibility. Cool winds whipped through the treetops, shallow waters (do we have anything else outside our canals) were whipped into white caps. No way.

That Tuesday wasn’t even possible, with stiff winds and cool temperatures in the morning, so we gave it up for the week, because Wednesday is an utterly chaotic day and of course, Thursday is off to Miami.

That morning, Thursday, I wake up, and the wind is calm over the landscape. The temperature is up. It’s a glorious day. In about 10 minutes I have to hit the road for Miami.

Mother Nature is paying me back for something. I don’t know what. I don’t know why. I know I haven’t been that evil in this life (though my favorite detractors will probably send me another anonymous fax or another anonymous letter in my mailbox) to deserve this type of treatment.

I don’t like cats. But I don’t hunt them. I like children and dogs, not necessarily in that order always. I don’t mistreat senior citizens. I’m attentive to the wishes of others. I try and pay back my moral and legal obligations.

I give back to my community as much as anyone I know. I like babies. I respect my elders. I treat other people with compassion and tolerance. In all, I’m not a bad person.

But Mother Nature sees fit to torture me for some unknown reason. There must have been something in a past life that just really has her ticked off at the moment.

I’m sure there are those of you out there that can tell me. I’ll be resting up from tossing newspapers on front porches for hours on end yesterday as you read this.

If there’s anyone out there who believes in reincarnation and has some insight into what I may have been, or may have been like, in my former incarnations, please let me in on the secret, because I know that Mother Nature works in mysterious ways, and is a powerful force to be reckoned with, so I want to do nothing new to tick this particular lady off.

Tell me please, was I a rat that ate the treats? Was I a cactus that pricked the wrong person? Could I have been a crazed serial killer?

Perhaps I was one of the greedy who raped Mother Earth for profit. That would explain both a lack of income at certain times and the vengeance with which Mother Nature hurls her wrath at me.

Maybe, just maybe, I was a cantankerous old fart who tossed kids off my lawn and shouted at waitresses for perceived slights. Perhaps, perish the thought, I was a rude part-timer fond of telling everyone how it was done from…..where ever.

I just can’t fathom how I can be so persecuted by Mother Nature now unless my transgressions occured in a lifetime for which I guess I must take responsibilty but have no recollection. (Kind of like Ollie North or Ronald Reagan).

Ah well. Maybe next time.

So as I trek off to Miami, for the rest of you….Happy boating.

Or whatever.

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