Evil doctor about to unleash terrorBy Steve Estes
And this just in from the land of resurrecting the long dead….
No, this is not the opening line in another of a long line of zombie movies, rather it is the opening salvo in bringing back to life the Lower Keys Haunted House.
My lovely wife (Have I ever said I love her a lot?) just randomly tossed out one day a few months back that someone should take the initiative to bring back the long-running Haunted House that the Big Pine Athletic Association used to put on every year over at Blue Heron Park on Lytton’s Way.
The effort died for lack of volunteers in the BPAA organization, a sad state of affairs but understandable as our community transitions from one of a close-knit clan to one of rampant snowbirds, many of whom aren’t around that time of year and unable to lend a hand if they were so inclined.
The problem is, she said it within ear shot of me, and she knows that Halloween is my second-favorite holiday, following only April Fool’s Day. And she said it within ear shot of Steve Miller, the former spearhead of that Haunted House.
OK. Yes I’m a sucker.
So I am here to announce that we are taking volunteers and sponsors to help us in reviving the annual Lower Keys Haunted House.
It’s less than two months away, so time is short.
Let me run off a list of what we know so far. We know that the Haunted House is about to be reanimated through the evil genius of Dr. Makemwalk. He is performing his diabolical experiments on the upper floor of the Big Pine Community Park. He plans to unveil his atrocities on the world at 7 p.m., Sunday, Oct. 28. And we have but four nights to try and bring his reign of nighttime terror to an end, that’s 10 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 31, that bewitching time of All Hallows Eve (Halloween for the less classical among us).
Dr. Makemwalk, along with his trusty, but evil sidekick, Mr. Risinfromded, is transforming the community center, along with the stairs, the surrounding grounds and the porch I’m told, into a haunted laboratory to perpetuate a species of horrible creatures never before seen on this planet.
The evil Makemwalk plans to operate, boil, slice and grind all the necessary parts in a variety of ghoulish experiments to bring back to life some of the most fierce and frightening monsters the world has never seen.
We also know this:
The Big Pine and Lower Keys Rotary Club has signed on as a sponsor for the effort to thwart the plans of the evil Makemwalk, and the Big Pine Women of the Moose have tossed in their efforts to throttle the evil machinations of Risinfromded.
The Moose Lodge will build some labyrinths and cages to try and capture the evil geniuses before they can unleash their horrors on the world, hoping to corner the madmen before they can unleash their bizarre creations on the unsuspecting world.
But we need more help. For this will be an epic battle between the forces of sanity and the horrific desires of a duo of evil madmen bent on the domination of the human race (at least in the Lower Keys).
If you can lend a hand in construction of the maze that will be needed to corral the evil doctor and his minion, call Miller at 394-1779. If you can toss a few bucks at the effort call me at 923-5370. Or call the other for either.
If you believe there may be a monster lurking inside you, give us a call. We’re sure Makemwalk will have plans for you, plans that the rest of the world hopes they must never witness.
I hear there will be horror movies playing in the wasteland outside the laboratory, and the evil doctor plans to make popcorn and drinks available to lull the local populace into submission before he launches his creatures onto the world.
Lower Keys, get ready for the eternal battle of good against evil.
It will be a blast.
And ghoulishly good.