Foolproof method to remember THE day…maybe

Gentlemen.

Listen up.

There are only two days—count them—two days—until that most dreaded of all holidays called Valentine’s Day.

Yep. It’s here again.

And that should come as no surprise—get ready for this guys—because it comes at the same time every year. It’s always February 14. It doesn’t matter what day of the week it falls on, it doesn’t matter if it’s the first Tuesday following the first Monday, or if it’s the third Monday of the second month.

It’s always February 14.

If you have no other tattoos on your body, perhaps a big 14 on the back of your primary hand would be in order. You have to lift the remote into your line of vision once in the days prior to February 14, and the tattoo might jog your memory about what happens on February 14.

Maybe you should hire a female friend to call you February 13 and remind you that the following day is Valentine’s Day. And then don’t piss her off. If you anger your reminder service she might not call you until February 15. And that’s too late. You’re already in trouble.

Don’t hire a male friend to call you and remind you. Then you’re both in deep dung when he forgets to call.

There are lots of creative, and man-cave friendly, ways to remind yourself of the arrival date of February 14 each year. Funny how that specific date pops up EACH YEAR.

If you have a typical man-watch in your man-cave, or a man-clock in your man-cave, set it to military time. Have it chime every time it flips to 1400 hours. That will happen once every day without fail.

You will have to remember every day why that damn thing goes off at 1400. And you’ll eventually remember. Voila. February 14 is remembered. If you’re like most of the rest of us, however, you’ll shut down the alarm after the second or third week, ‘cause YOU GOT IT.

Yeah right. See you at the barstool next year on the night of February 14. You’ll be alone like the rest of us.

So there has to be some way to force us to remember that silly date that seems so all-fired important to the females of the species, you know, the ones who own half of everything and all of the rest of it.

Let’s try this method.

If we put together our ability to drink beer, or liquor, with our ability to count (most of us can) we can put together a foolproof system.

Buy a refrigerator large enough to hold 365 beers of your favorite flavor. This year, on February 14, you’ll know it when it happens, trust me, place every beer in that refrigerator.

Once every day, open the door of that refrigerator and drink one beer. When you drink the last beer, you will know that it’s February 14 again. Then all you have to do is remember why that date is significant.

That seems like such a foolproof method to me.

So I threw this at a beer drinking buddy the other night. He agreed with me. It was the perfect solution. No man could ever again forget February 14 if they just followed this simple, foolproof system.

Except, he says.

Now I’m in trouble.

Except, he says, if you get really thirsty and drink more than one beer every day. Then you come up short.

That doesn’t matter, says I. You’ll buy a nice gift and she’ll be happy.

Yep, that day, he says. But what about the real February 14 when you’ve emptied the beer and your female friend you hired to call and remind you is pissed and your male friend supposed to remind you is here on the barstool with you trying to figure out the perfect method of remembering Valentine’s Day.

I was crushed. He was right.

We had another beer.

And what happens, he says, when you open the refrigerator and there’s somebody else in the man-cave. Man-etiquette requires you to offer him a beer. If he accepts…

I’m screwed, says I.

We had another beer.

Then he came up with the foolproof plan.

Tell the significant other that you’re trying to cut back on beer. Buy a small, table-top refrigerator. Ask her to fill the ‘fridge up with just seven beers every Monday so you can’t possibly drink more than that in a week.

You’ll have the person for whom you must remember doing the remembering for you while thinking she’s helping you cut back on a bad habit.

PERFECT. But wait, was Valentine’s Day on Monday this year? Is it on Monday next year? Aren’t all holidays on a Monday?

We had another beer and gave up.

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