Sometimes, no other way to say it

I, like many others who live here, often make fun of our visitors, both long and short term, as I’m sure they make fun of us.

They are a good source of jokes and laughter for many of us, and I’m sure they have some hilarious stories to tell about us when they get home.

And that is as it should be.

I also have a very healthy respect for the economic engine that is our visitors, both long and short term. Without them, many of us don’t survive.

Thanks.

And there is one area where I have the utmost respect for our short-term visitors.

You see, I know what a terrible weenie I am about cold water. When the water gets to the temperature it is right now, I almost can’t get my feet wet, let alone go swimming or snorkeling.

And as I drive up and down the Keys I see our visitors from more northern climes having a good time in the water around here. And what amazes me is that they seem to be having fun.

I am so full of respect for these folks who cavort in the water this time of year because they must have ‘nads of steel.

There is no way I would be able to step foot into this water this time of year without the thickest possible wetsuit, and probably some type of heating element as well.

Yet just the other day I watched a couple just walk off into the water at Bahia Honda like it was no big deal.

I haven’t checked the temperature of the surface waters near here in weeks, because I know it doesn’t matter what the surface temperature is…it’s too cold for me.

Once the surface water drops below about 80 degrees, I have to think long and hard about just getting close to anything past the shoreline.

Once the surface water temperature drops below 76 degrees, I don’t even consider going close to water that doesn’t come out of a water heater on its way to me.

And after the recent cold snap we had, I can only imagine how cold this water must be. And I can only imagine because I do not intend to get in this stuff anytime in the near future.

But it is with a great deal of admiration that I watch our northern visitors have a good time in our waters.

If I really stopped to think about this in depth (why) I could probably understand what is going on.

I can remember going to see Holly in the middle of the summer when she lived in Maine and I lived here. She suggested going to the beach at some lake close to her house.

It was the middle of the summer. The temperature outside was in the mid-80s.

I agreed.

What a stupid thing to do.

We walked to the end of a pier out over the lake shore and she just jumped right off the edge of the platform into the water.

Easy.

I, thinking with my Florida Keys brain when July means 84-degree water, jumped in right behind her.

Many of you have probably heard the expression “jammed my ‘nads up into my throat.”

Jumping into water that cold is where this saying originated. The little critters have to have someplace to hide from the cold. They’re so frightfully exposed in that situation.

I came to the surface. I had lost my breath. I felt as though I had been dragged naked through a lobster vat at the local fish house.

And my ‘nads were trying to crawl into my esophagus.

I later learned that the water was a “refreshing” 68 degrees that day, and that was about as warm as it ever got in that area.

I hate to break this to you, but 68 degrees isn’t warm.

That might be considered warm for your home heater if the temperature outside is in the 30s or 40s. But when you’re jumping into it, 68 degrees is far from warm.

That’s a 30 degree shift in your body temperature in a split second.

That’s cold. At least to me.

Of course, I was also later informed that the water temperature that day was “normal.”

Normal for a polar bear. Normal for a penguin. Normal for a seal. Not normal for a human being.

But when that’s what you’re used to, I guess it just goes to prove that the human body can truly adapt to almost anything.

So my hat’s off to those of you who think that the water around here right now is even OK for recreation.

I’ll sit on the shore and have a cold beer. My ‘nads don’t have to run from that.

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